I always thought that I was born with this mindset.

I always feared everything and said to myself “I wish I didn’t feel this”, “I wish I was like this”.

Truth is, when we are born, we all have our own blueprints which can affect things like temperament, sensitivity and baseline neurochemical levels, two examples being dopamine and serotonin. However, our minds start absorbing information right from the start to the point of being in the womb.

Our minds are like a sponge and the first years are some of the most important for absorbing information. We already start developing stress responses, limiting beliefs, attachment styles, self-esteem and the list continues.

What is NLP?

NLP stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming:

1. Neuro refers to your mind and your nervous system. It looks at how you experience the world through your senses.

What you see
What you hear
What you feel
What you smell
What you taste

Your brain processes and holds all this information to create memories, thoughts and beliefs that can then turn into habits or limiting beliefs.

2. Linguistic refers to the words you use, not only externally to yourself, people around you and words you hear but your inner voice – the way you speak to yourself internally. For example “I can’t do that” vs “I’m sure I’ll be able to figure this out”. This is talking about the same situation but shows two different mindsets.

3. Programming, this is all about the mental code, your automatic thoughts, your emotional reactions, behaviours and belief system. Most of this programming sits in our sub-conscious mind. For example, if someone did a fast movement and you flinched, that’s not because you are in harm right now, but because your brain “learned” time ago that those fast movements = danger.

So in full, NLP is a method for understanding how you work, what makes you tick? To then use your findings to help you change the way you think, feel and behave.

NLP techniques

There are so many NLP techniques to have you navigate through this, here are just a few of them;

1. Anchoring was famously used by a hypnotherapist called Milton Erickson in the 1940’s – 1970s. People create anchors for themselves all the time without thinking about it, positive and negative. Smell is one of the strongest anchors you could have – have you ever sprayed a perfume or aftershave and its reminded you of a specific event or person, or maybe the smell of an alcohol drink will make you nauseous just by smelling it. Here are some simple steps for you to create an anchor for yourself. You can learn to make an anchor for yourself in any scenario, maybe you have stage fright and need something to calm the nerves, or maybe you struggle to sleep at night and you need something to calm your mind. Here are a few steps on how to create an anchor for you.

> What positive state do you want to be in? This positive state can be anything you like, bright, bold, confident, sassy. Be CLEAR, be SPECIFIC.

> Pick out a memory from the past where you have been in that state. You’re picking an experience that you can compare, even though they are different situations.

> Relive that moment as vivid as you can. Be in that moment – what do you see, smell, feel and hear? What sensations do you have?

When you have done the above 3 points, you are now in the most positive state you can be, to set yourself an anchor. Hand movements are great anchors to use, and you can choose whatever feels better to you. While thinking about this positive experience, notice what hand gesture you are drawn towards, it might be a clenched fist or your thumb and first finger pressing against each other to create a circle. If the hand gesture doesn’t work for you, try something different like focusing on a specific image in your mind that reminds you of that positive experience.

After you have set your anchor, practice it daily, thinking of that positive experience as you did before and doing the gesture to remind your mind to bring back those positive feelings and thoughts, so when you really need it, it is more effective. Using the stage fright scenario as an example, you would do your anchor, whether that is a hand gesture or imagine in your mind, before the event when nervous, when going on stage or while being on stage. Bringing back this positive experience will bring back those feelings you experienced then or remind you of something you are capable of.

2. The Meta Model is a list of questions where you can delve in deeper to understand your own or someone else’s experience.

Black and white generalisations tend to be made about everything and anything:

‘British drink tea’
‘Germans are direct’
‘Americans go over the top’
‘Italians can cook’
‘Irish love potatoes’ 

The truth is, it isn’t always black and white and sometimes we need to question the details. When you hear yourself or someone else generalising something, ask these following questions, they will make you think about what is limiting you and if the statement is a fact or generalised.

How do you know that?
Who says?
Just imagine you could, what would happen this?
What is stopping you? 

Sit with the thought and questions for a moment, remove your emotions from the scenario, be honest with yourself if you are asking yourself these questions. If you are asking someone else, use the right tone.

3. Mirroring refers to the 7-38-55 rule researched by a psychologist named Albert Mehrabian, this rule helps us break down how we give and receive communication. The breakdown of this rule is:

7% comes from the words spoken 
38% comes from the tone of voice
55% comes from the body language

This research has taught us that communication isn’t just the words we say to ourselves internally or words we speak externally. Here is how you can use mirroring to shift your inner state:

1. Change your posture, facial expressions and movement. The smallest things like smiling, standing tall and opening your body all sent signals to your brain that affect how you feel and think. A common and known example of this is the “superman pose” people do before interviews that help make someone feel more confident and more in control.
2. Your inner voice and outer tone matter as much as each other. Notice your tones, speed and rhythm. If you sound harsh and dismissive, change your tone to sound calm and caring. That new inner voice cycle has now changed and will lose its emotional grip.
3. Choose your words wisely – even though its only 7% of the rule, they still matter. Try changing what you say internally and externally slightly, for example “I’m not good at public speaking”, to “I’m learning to feel more confident when public speaking”.

Take a pause reading this for a few minutes, pick a negative inner pattern that you have. What is your body doing? How is your body feeling? What thoughts and internal conversations are you having? Now interrupt that patten, change the voice tone in your mind, change the wording. Change your posture, your facial expressions and your outer body communication, be more empowered, confident and in control.

I bet you felt the transition?

Final thoughts

Truth is, none of these NPL methods are a onetime thing. This is a journey, something you must be mindful of, something you need to practice on a regular basis. However, reprogramming your mind it 100% possible – you just need to stick with it and be patient with yourself.  Here are a few ideas of how to bring these 3 methods into your everyday life:

1. Morning ritual, while in a positive state, practice your anchoring techniques so you gain more control and can do it when you need it. Over time you will find yourself doing it in those anxious moments when you need it. The stronger the emotion and repetition, the stronger the control when you need it.
2. Practice your mirroring when speaking to other people, how are you communicating and how is that conversation coming across to yourself and the other people?
3. Be more mindful when you’re speaking to yourself and about yourself. Ask yourself the questions. Don’t dwell and don’t over think. We have around 60,000 – 80,000 thoughts a day, it is impossible to catch and question them all! But you can highlight negative self-talk when you notice it.

Curious how NLP and Hypnotherapy work together to reprogramme the mind at the deepest level? Book a free consultation with me and let’s see what transformation could look like for you.